91.A young man asked an old rich guy how he made his money.
The old guy said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd
accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
"Then my wife's father died and left us ten million dollars."

92.A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child?
A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

93.Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "And how's Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?"
"You did that, Father."
"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father," said she.
"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."
"Thank-you, Father." And away she went.
A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles -- ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is
your lovely husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow that bloody candle out!"

94.A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been
with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were
there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house,
you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were
still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asks gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

If a boy talks to much, he is CHATTERBOX,
if a girl does so she is WITTY.
If boy loves silence, he is DULL,
f a girl loves it, she is SERIOUS.
If boy looks at a girl he STARES,
If a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.
If a boy wears a unique dress, he is a JOKER,
If a girl does so, it's a FASHION.
If boys move together, they form a GANG,
If girls do so, they form a GROUP.
If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING,
If girl does so, she is INTERESTED.

96.Just off marriage!

> My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

> My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

> A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

> The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

> I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

> Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that

> Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

> A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him? "asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire.

> The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

> It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer

> Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

> A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend.

"My wife found out...

> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

97.You know you are a South Asian when....
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your house smells like fried onions.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You make tea in a saucepan.
> >>> >>> >>>>* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
> >>> >>>>* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and
doesn't talk to her for ten years.
>>> >>> >>>>* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You hide everything from your parents.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
>>> >>> >>>>* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Everyone is a family friend.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Everyone always called you for help on homework.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You know no one who has studied music.
>>> >>>>* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You eat onions with everything.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You use chili sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
>>>>* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,
> >>>>* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You secure your baggage with a rope.
> >>> >>> >>>>* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the
airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have
come to pick you up.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. Overweight.
> >>> >>> >>>>* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
>> >>>>* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and
not as a grooming aid
> > >>> >>> >>>>* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
> >>> >>> >>>>* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
> > >>> >>> >>>>* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/engineer.

98. While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got

'em."

99.This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was this important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure that somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought that anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when actually nobody asked anybody

100. If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.